i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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