Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize