i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
