Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
