I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
