dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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