Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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