It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
