I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
