I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
