Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
