I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Alive.
So much puke
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize