"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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