I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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