I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
