so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
