Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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