Apparently you make a good broom.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I did not marry a roomba.
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