I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
