Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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