I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
