She is in my trunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
