Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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