I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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