Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
