true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize