y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
