you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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