I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
