Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize