Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
tell your sister to shave her snatch
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
