I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
