Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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