just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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