i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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