Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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