Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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