Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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