did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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