I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize