I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
