Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
