but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
