I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
