You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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