isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
