I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
