I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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