I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
