tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
