even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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