I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
