Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's like God shit irony all over that family
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
