so that wasnt chicken after all
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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