you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
