My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
