True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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