he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
