i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
