Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
