He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
