woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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