I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
