i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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