I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
