would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
