the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
