he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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