Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
