I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
