p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
