Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
