I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
