Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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